Teasing. It’s so tricky. Teasing can be mean or playful. It can be a way to bond or a way to hurt. But … how to tell?
According to Wikipedia, the difference between nice and nasty teasing is in the feeling of the beholder. If you feel hurt, it was hurtful. That’s nice, but … for us, it’s not that helpful. Because if we react to what is meant playfully as hurtful, we alienate people and lose friends or potential friends. On the other hand, if we react to what is meant as hurtful as playful, we open ourselves to more bullying.
And the ways to tell mostly seem to be the things we are bad at detecting.
One thing I’ve found is that if a lot of different people are being teased, and the teasing is reciprocal, it’s much more likely to be playful. Another is that if the person doing the teasing is more powerful and/or more popular than the person being teased, it’s less likely to be playful.
I’d be interested in other ways to tell – especially coming from you NT people out there.
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